Thinking of letting go ..

What do you do when you feel that you might be bailing out of a relationship? There are certain things that are obvious but I just refuse to face it .. I thought that it will eventually go away ..

How long should I be giving myself .. how long more do I think I'll be able to bear .. I probably should not have said 'bear' because this is something that I should have known right from the beginning .. What gives me the right to be complaining now?

I keep saying that I don't expect anything out of this relationship .. and in the recent days I realised that I was dead wrong .. so so wrong .. In fact I demand a lot out of a relationship .. I'm just too proud to admit .. or am I afraid to chase him away ..

There are so many times when I asked myself if I made a mistake by leading him to give up his last relationship .. Till now, almost a year later, Ii'm still feeling like a second. I brought this upon myself ..

He's been so nice and I would say he's the one that I dream about .. 80% of the time at least .. I know that problem lies ith mw which is why I refuse to bring it up .. What is wrong with me?!

SOS

That's an acronym for Sense Of Security, or how I would like to think. I often tell my girlfriends that it is something that you give to yourself and should not wait for your boyfriend to make you feel secure. That's easier said than done, isn't it?

I've been having the same dream for 3 nights now .. I begin to wonder whether it's a sign. I begin to wonder there's something I should know.

I couldn't help it and so I did it this morning. I didn't see what I expected .. because there was nothing there. This is soo usual .. soo common .. soo guy-thing. There's only one philosophy that I can think of to match this: What you do not know doesn't hurt you.

How true? I really do not know

Why is it so difficult to trust? What is it that's missing?