A new journey starts tomorrow

Today will be the last day of my 'singlehood' from employment .. yes I'm going to be attached again .. work-wise. I am a bit excited about this new job. It's something that I have zero experience in .. something that I am looking forward too and at the same time .. nervous about my performance. Pay is of course much much lesser than what I used to get but .. since I've chosen this path, this is something within my expectation already. All I want now is to do well in my job and really love what I do.

Half is better than none

It's been more than a month since I left my job. Here I am sitting at home in my kampung, blogging away on a Thursday afternoon .. Ahhhh .. life! I know that this can't go on any longer .. firstly cash is running out (I thought I could survive 2 more months *sigh*) secondly it's really really i mean REALLY waste of time .. So the next time if I ever do this again .. 3 weeks is enough.. I should have been moving on after that ..

But then again.. several things came up altogether in my life so I was dealing with them one by one .. I used to think that everything happened at the wrong timing because I had so much to handle. Now I know its the perfect time, I wouldn't imagine running about moving homes and travelling back here while I was employed ..

Now that I am sort of half-employed although very poor discipline habits already .. Life isn't too bad :) I'm still loving it!

Never want it to be true

Baby and I were sitting on his bed and he took out his phone to snap a picture of us.
"This might be the last one here" He said as he was clicking away on his mobile
I felt my back turned cold and I stupidly asked why..
"I think she is still more suitable for me.." My baby replied without looking up ..

I didn't cry but I just looked at him .. as if I was expecting it


Bad dream!! Huh.. huh... huh....

Rainy night ..

I am missing my baby so much tonight ..

Though we spend more than 30hrs together but I just never get enough! Today's the 1st day of our 4th month and I know there will be more of good times to be shared.

It came across my mind today if I am really the girl that he wanted .. 3 months passed and we knew more of each other. Our relationship has been progressing well and seems so perfect .. I really wonder if I am able to make him happy ..

It might sound like a cliche but I just love everything about him ..
1) patient
2) understanding
3) confident
4) optimistic
5) vainpot
6) never hesitates to kiss me .. even in public
7) enjoys good food esp japanese!
8) knows how to de stress
9) able to analyse pros and cons and makes decision rationally
10) cute mini lips
11) very 'haw' eyelashes
12) rests his hand on my shoulders when we were walking as if I'm an arm rest (hee hee)
13) can cook!
14) very considerate and thoughtful
15) takes care of me when I'm sick
16) calls me soi baby (ha ha ha)
.
.
.
.
the list can still go on

Things that I probably would have lesser like
1) too tall
2) always thinks that I have many butterflies
3) has many dragonflies
.
.
.
Not much that I can add on .. really .. he's just too good to be true!

I love you baby ..

I hope you feel it and know that it's real. I'm sorry for confusing you again and I'm really thankful that you've been so patient with me .. I can never say this enough but baby .. I'm really glad to have you in my life.. Muack muack muack muack muack muack muack .. muack muack muack muack muack **pls imagine it with Old Mac Donald's tune** hehe

My new life!

this is it! i'm a freed prisoner from hell .. okay .. it wasn't that bad but i'm so excited about it!

i dunno where i'll be and what i'll doing once i step out from this .. but what i know is that i've given myself a 2nd life to start afresh! i can do whatever i want now!

i am so grateful that i have people who genuinely care and love me and truly support my decision .. thank you all for all the patience and advice!

i feel like a reborn!

Best Days

and best man .. i think he is the one for me .. so much had happened and he is so patient to stick with me! i really feel that i am the luckiest girl on earth .. to have this life and this man for me :)

i've never been happier .. even though i might have to give up my dream .. whatever that he has given me is more than i can asked for ..

i promise that i'm going to try harder to make this work .. there's no other way .. it has to work!

muacks .. !

Hallucination

is this just my imagination or do i really feel that we can really click?
is he for real or is he just havin fun?

i do feel it getting stronger and more obvious .. and i get all gittery when i see him .. oh no .. am i asking trouble?

and is anything going to change after next friday? ..

August 15th

That's the day that he will be leaving ... I know it's pretty silly to think that he has something for me .. But I really do think that there's something more than friends. I know this is not right but I enjoyed each email exchanged .. all the things that he said and the effort taken to find my art work for me .. I'm gonna get inked soon and he's a part of it .. I know nothing's goingto come out of this .. But I am cherishing each moment of it ..

Realize

I actually felt cold wind when I heard the news.. Caller on the other end even had to repeat what she said to make sure I was still there.. Obviously I didn't see it coming.. I mean I had a feeling that this was his plan but I just never expected it to be true. Now that I know, I am simply speechless.. Why do I feel like this? It wouldn't make much difference if he's around or not... Not that we talk all the time or see each other all the time. I just feel the sting .. and it's not a good feeling .. I really really hope that that this will go away ..

I love me

work has been so busy lately, seems that i don't even have time to think whether i am happy or not. isn't that a sign that i should be bailing out?

i should be doing whatever that makes me happy .. no?
if i don't love me .. who will?

i got all the info that i need .. i think i'm gonna do it ..
it's NOW OR NEVER ..

isn't this what i've been dreaming of?

College .. here i come!

I am difficult

is that why i am not getting what i want out of this relationship?
am i that hard to please?
i merely wanted a pair of listening ears .. i'm not asking for the sun or the moon

why can't you understand that no matter how tough or strong i might seem to be at work .. i still need hug back home ..
i don't need diamond, flowers or chocolate .. i just need you to understand that i have my weak sides too

i wish u could love me more