Thinking of letting go ..

What do you do when you feel that you might be bailing out of a relationship? There are certain things that are obvious but I just refuse to face it .. I thought that it will eventually go away ..

How long should I be giving myself .. how long more do I think I'll be able to bear .. I probably should not have said 'bear' because this is something that I should have known right from the beginning .. What gives me the right to be complaining now?

I keep saying that I don't expect anything out of this relationship .. and in the recent days I realised that I was dead wrong .. so so wrong .. In fact I demand a lot out of a relationship .. I'm just too proud to admit .. or am I afraid to chase him away ..

There are so many times when I asked myself if I made a mistake by leading him to give up his last relationship .. Till now, almost a year later, Ii'm still feeling like a second. I brought this upon myself ..

He's been so nice and I would say he's the one that I dream about .. 80% of the time at least .. I know that problem lies ith mw which is why I refuse to bring it up .. What is wrong with me?!

SOS

That's an acronym for Sense Of Security, or how I would like to think. I often tell my girlfriends that it is something that you give to yourself and should not wait for your boyfriend to make you feel secure. That's easier said than done, isn't it?

I've been having the same dream for 3 nights now .. I begin to wonder whether it's a sign. I begin to wonder there's something I should know.

I couldn't help it and so I did it this morning. I didn't see what I expected .. because there was nothing there. This is soo usual .. soo common .. soo guy-thing. There's only one philosophy that I can think of to match this: What you do not know doesn't hurt you.

How true? I really do not know

Why is it so difficult to trust? What is it that's missing?

A new journey starts tomorrow

Today will be the last day of my 'singlehood' from employment .. yes I'm going to be attached again .. work-wise. I am a bit excited about this new job. It's something that I have zero experience in .. something that I am looking forward too and at the same time .. nervous about my performance. Pay is of course much much lesser than what I used to get but .. since I've chosen this path, this is something within my expectation already. All I want now is to do well in my job and really love what I do.

Half is better than none

It's been more than a month since I left my job. Here I am sitting at home in my kampung, blogging away on a Thursday afternoon .. Ahhhh .. life! I know that this can't go on any longer .. firstly cash is running out (I thought I could survive 2 more months *sigh*) secondly it's really really i mean REALLY waste of time .. So the next time if I ever do this again .. 3 weeks is enough.. I should have been moving on after that ..

But then again.. several things came up altogether in my life so I was dealing with them one by one .. I used to think that everything happened at the wrong timing because I had so much to handle. Now I know its the perfect time, I wouldn't imagine running about moving homes and travelling back here while I was employed ..

Now that I am sort of half-employed although very poor discipline habits already .. Life isn't too bad :) I'm still loving it!

Never want it to be true

Baby and I were sitting on his bed and he took out his phone to snap a picture of us.
"This might be the last one here" He said as he was clicking away on his mobile
I felt my back turned cold and I stupidly asked why..
"I think she is still more suitable for me.." My baby replied without looking up ..

I didn't cry but I just looked at him .. as if I was expecting it


Bad dream!! Huh.. huh... huh....

Rainy night ..

I am missing my baby so much tonight ..

Though we spend more than 30hrs together but I just never get enough! Today's the 1st day of our 4th month and I know there will be more of good times to be shared.

It came across my mind today if I am really the girl that he wanted .. 3 months passed and we knew more of each other. Our relationship has been progressing well and seems so perfect .. I really wonder if I am able to make him happy ..

It might sound like a cliche but I just love everything about him ..
1) patient
2) understanding
3) confident
4) optimistic
5) vainpot
6) never hesitates to kiss me .. even in public
7) enjoys good food esp japanese!
8) knows how to de stress
9) able to analyse pros and cons and makes decision rationally
10) cute mini lips
11) very 'haw' eyelashes
12) rests his hand on my shoulders when we were walking as if I'm an arm rest (hee hee)
13) can cook!
14) very considerate and thoughtful
15) takes care of me when I'm sick
16) calls me soi baby (ha ha ha)
.
.
.
.
the list can still go on

Things that I probably would have lesser like
1) too tall
2) always thinks that I have many butterflies
3) has many dragonflies
.
.
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Not much that I can add on .. really .. he's just too good to be true!

I love you baby ..

I hope you feel it and know that it's real. I'm sorry for confusing you again and I'm really thankful that you've been so patient with me .. I can never say this enough but baby .. I'm really glad to have you in my life.. Muack muack muack muack muack muack muack .. muack muack muack muack muack **pls imagine it with Old Mac Donald's tune** hehe